Week 12 Picks: Thanks for nothing edition
Did you see those Thanksgiving games? I didn’t. While the rest of the country enjoyed the Bills, Giants, and Cowboys, I was holding my tongue and dodging spittle between Aunt Betty and Uncle Steve all day. Did you know it’s people like me that are ruining this country? I had no idea.
Thanks for ruining my weekend Roger Goodell. Congress needs to ask you about your scheduling practices. With all the good games on Thursday, we get stuck with Thanksgiving leftovers like Texans, Jets and Commanders. Pass the tryptophan. With nothing better on the plate, let’s kick off our shoes and loosen the belt, here comes another serving of picks.
Week 12 NFL game picks
Texans @ Dolphins (-13.5)
As if Texans’ games weren’t unbearable enough, Houston will now start backup Kyle Allen over Davis Mills. Thanks, Coach Smith. Mills complained about the team’s lack of creativity after losing to Commanders. Now he’s on the bench. I wish I had a bench for Aunt Betty.
A wise man once said it’s better to remain silent and be thought a terrible quarterback than to speak and remind everyone that you really are a terrible quarterback. Remember that Mills. Allen is 7-10 as a starter with 24 touchdowns and 17 interceptions. Davis has 11 interceptions just this year. Ask either of these guys to pass the gravy and you’ll wear it on your shirt.
Coming off the bye, the Dolphins are rested and ready to feast. Even with Raheem Mostert likely to miss the game, they have no chance of losing this one. The Dolphins have won four straight games including a 22-point defeat against the Browns before the bye.
Miami wants to flex on the AFC East and could run up the score. The Texans should run for the exits as soon as this blowout is over.
Fantasy abacus says: Dolphins win and cover.
Bears @ Jets (-6)
Who’s ready for second-string seconds? None for Zach Wilson please, he still has his foot in his mouth after failing to accept responsibility for the team’s loss during his press conference. Rookie receiver Garrett Wilson said, “Thanks for nothing” or something like that, and now Zach Wilson will be benched in favor of Mike White.
Conversely, after running for 85 yards in a loss to the Falcons, quarterback Justin Fields apologized to his defensive teammates for the loss. You can imagine what Zach Wilson thought after hearing that.
Fields played through a dislocated left shoulder and still hopes to play on Sunday. The Bears lost their last four games despite better play from their quarterback. The Jets have won three of their last five.
The switch to White may be a lateral move for the Jets. He’s a check-down machine that averaged 6.4 yards per pass in limited action last year. The running backs will be busy, the receivers not so much.
Honestly, White can’t do much worse than Wilson, especially against a defense allowing 5.8 yards per play. The defense will need to carry the team. Only the Broncos and Niners give up fewer touchdowns than the Jets. Expect New York to rally around White.
Fantasy abacus says: J-E-T-S C-O-V-E-R
Falcons @ Commanders (-4)
If the Week 12 schedule were a holiday meal, this game would be the creamed corn. No thank you. Chase Young and Carson Wentz are both available for Washington this week. Young will play, Wentz won’t.
The team said, “thanks but no thanks’’ to Wentz in favor of Taylor Heinicke. He’s the starter moving forward. That’s really unfair to Wentz. How will he showcase his talents for the St. Louis Battlehawks from the bench? DC gets their own XFL team next year, the Defenders, but hasn’t this fan base suffered enough?
The Falcons have lost three of their last five games, but Mariota hasn’t lost his job. Most expected Desmond Ridder to play by now, but the Falcons are still alive in the NFC South.
Kyle Pitts is out, the team put him on IR with a knee injury, so Mariota will have to find someone else not to throw to. The Falcons’ offense continues to be sneaky good this year. They have the eighth-most points in the league and are top-ten in red zone percentage.
Expect the Falcons to keep it on the ground. They have the second-most rushing attempts and yards in the NFL. The Commanders are good against the run, but Mariota’s arm is a non-factor.
These teams are so even, it’s almost a coin flip. Does anybody have a wishbone? Let’s say home cooking and the forward pass give the Commanders their fifth win in six games.
Fantasy Abacus says: Washington covers in an unwatchable game.
Enjoy Week 12 everyone. @fantasybruce is always thankful for anyone that got this far in the article.