Week 17 Picks: New Year’s Resolutions Edition
Did you know New Year’s resolutions started 4,000 years ago with the Babylonians? They would make promises to the gods to earn good favor in the coming year. All this time I thought Tom Brady made a deal with the devil…
Saints @ Eagles (-6.5)
This year, I resolve to win the MVP award for Jalen Hurts. I’ll plant both feet firmly in the pocket and constantly throw off the back one. – “Gardner Minshew“
Will Minshew get the start against New Orleans? Hurts has a sprained shoulder but practiced ahead of Minshew at practice on Thursday. Minshew threw for 355 yards and two touchdowns against the Cowboys, but the Eagles couldn’t overcome four turnovers to win the NFC East and secure a first-round bye.
Things will be different this week, regardless of who’s under center for Philadelphia. The Eagles are 6-1 against the spread at home and 1-0 after a loss. The Saints are guaranteed a losing season and could already be looking toward next year.
According to reports, former Saints coach Sean Payton and current Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady could be headed to New Orleans as a package deal in 2023. Saints fans would love to get Payton back, but does anyone want Brady’s package anymore? He’ll be 46 in August.
Michael Thomas was so excited he posted the rumor on Instagram. Well done Thomas, good to see you contributing to the team.
The Saints have won two of their last three games. They survived the elements to beat Cleveland last week and haven’t lost since their future quarterback beat them 17-16 in Tampa Bay.
Assuming Minshew plays, the game will be close. If Hurts plays, the game could be over by halftime. Stay tuned to the injury reports.
Fantasy abacus says: Eagles win, Hurts sits, Saints cover
Cardinals @ Falcons (-3)
In 2023, I’ve resolved to retire from the NFL. I still have two games to play, but I’d thought I’d announce my retirement now. I’m not looking for attention or anything, I rarely seek the spotlight…or cameras…or microphones. – “J.J. Watt”
Watts’ team has lost four straight games. The Atlanta Falcons have lost five straight. Nothing lasts forever, somebody’s gotta win, right? Actually, a tie would be perfect. There have been two tie games in the NFL this year, why not make it three?
When these teams last met in 2019, the Cardinals won by a single point. That’s almost a tie. Can you think of a better reason to watch the game? Kyler Murray is out, Colt McCoy is in after passing concussion protocols. Marcus Mariota is out, the future Colt McCoy (Desmond Ridder) is in.
I’m out. Surely 2023 has better games to offer.
Fantasy abacus says: Push. I’m all in for the tie.
49ers @ Raiders (+9.5)
This year, I’ve resolved not to become a distraction to my team as they lose all their games while I sleep on my brother’s couch. – “Derek Carr“
And so begins the Jarett Stidham era. After being benched against Pittsburgh, Carr is taking his ball (and his 62-77 record) and going home. Aaron Rodgers doesn’t look so bad now, does he, Davante Adams?
Carr had seven interceptions in his last four games. Maybe he’ll have better luck with his next team. Maybe he’ll get to hand the ball to the league’s leading rusher, or throw passes to a receiver that leads the NFL in touchdowns. You know, like he had in Las Vegas.
The Niners don’t have these problems. They’re winning games with their third-string QB, and winning them easily. San Francisco hasn’t lost to the Raiders since 2014 when the team was in Oakland, or Los Angeles, or Oakland…who cares? The Niners aren’t losing this one but they would be smart to rest some starters once they get a lead.
Fantasy abacus says: Niners go up big, put Purdy in bubble wrap and allow the Raiders to cover.
That’s all for Week 17. @fantasybruce made a resolution to make all articles exactly 675 words.
