Week 16 Picks: Ugly Sweater Edition
Ugly sweaters weren’t even a thing until the 1980s, like the San Francisco 49ers. Did you know that Bill Cosby started the trend? I wonder what he’s up to these days? Ugly sweaters aren’t necessarily ugly. Sometimes they’re just loud and obnoxious, like Eagles fans. Other times they’re in bad taste, also like Eagles fans. And sometimes they’re just too much, like Russell Wilson.
Broncos @ Rams (+2.5)
Broncos Nation won’t have Brett Rypien to kick around anymore. This Christmas, Wilson will be back under center. Sorry, no refunds, no exchanges. You still owe him $161,000,000 guaranteed.
Wilson has been hard to watch this year. Davis Mills and Jacoby Brissett have more touchdowns. In the past, Wilson made two Super Bowl appearances and nine Pro Bowls. Now he makes the fan base miss Drew Lock.
L.A. will miss the playoffs one year after winning the championship. That’s hard to explain until you see Baker Mayfield running around in a Rams uniform. Mayfield threw for just 111 yards in a loss to Green Bay last week allowing visions of the playoffs dance in Aaron Rodgers’ head, among other things.
It doesn’t get much uglier than a game between two 4-10 teams on Christmas Day. Maybe the NFL can flex it to Arbor Day. How the Rams beat the Raiders two weeks ago still boggles the mind.
The Broncos and Rams each have one win in their last four games. The Rams beat the Raiders two weeks ago, while the Broncos lost to the Raiders in November. That obviously means the Rams are the better team, right?
This game will be unwatchable. Turn off the TV, enjoy your holiday dinner and wait for the Buccaneers-Cardinals game. Never mind.
Fantasy abacus says: Rams prove they’re the best four-win team on Christmas
Commanders @ 49ers (-7)
Brock Purdy has become Rudolph of the NFL. First, they laughed and called him names like “Mr. Irrelevant” at the draft. Then they put him on the reindeer games scout team. “Mr. Irrelevant” is an ugly tradition that needs to be stopped, but that’s a story for another column.
Purdy, with his future so bright, has been killing it lately. First, he beat the Buccaneers in Tom Brady’s hometown, then he gave the 12th man the double-bird with a win in Seattle.
San Francisco has seven straight wins and is 5-2 against the spread at home. They’d be a bigger favorite if Washington’s defense wasn’t so good.
Things could get ugly in Washington this week. Coach Ron Rivera has hinted the team could go back to Carson Wentz. Haven’t Commanders fans suffered enough?
Taylor Heinicke hasn’t played well lately, but the Commanders are still alive at 7-6. This week they’ll play someone other than the New York Giants for the first time since November 27th. Congress should look into whoever made that schedule, among other things.
Washington is 4-3 against the spread on the road. Momentum clearly favors the Niners, so Commanders fans should get ready for the Wentz Wagon.
Fantasy Abacus says: Niners win and cover at home
Eagles @ Cowboys (-5)
‘Twas the night before Christmas and the Eagles were in Dallas
Ready to win the NFC East, right in Jerry Jones’ palace
The quarterback was hurt, but the Eagles weren’t screwed
The favored Dallas Cowboys were about to get Minshewed
Gardner Minshew looks like a guy that has a closet full of ugly sweaters that he just calls sweaters. He doesn’t look like a guy that threw for over 5,000 yards and 37 touchdowns in 23 games for the Jacksonville Jaguars. That’s not bad.
Minshew started two games for the Eagles last year. He had two touchdowns, 242 yards and a 133.7 quarterback rating in a win against the Jets. He also threw two touchdowns against the Cowboys, but lost 51-26.
Maybe if Minshew shaved off that ugly, Uncle Rico caterpillar mustache people would take him seriously. Philadelphia can win with Minshew. He’s looked good in practice and seems ready to take center stage again.
The Cowboys’ Micah Parsons ran his mouth about Hurts being a system quarterback last week. That could be a mistake. Dallas made too many mistakes with 11 penalties for 72 yards when the teams last met.
Dallas needs to clean things up. They lost to Jacksonville last week and should’ve lost to the Texans a week earlier. The Cowboys have won three of their last four games against the Eagles but none of those games carried the weight of Sunday’s game.
Maybe it’s the homer in me, but I have a strange feeling that Minshew (and the NFL’s best defense) have something to prove, which is rare for a 13-win team. Unlike most Eagles-Cowboys games, this one will be close, but the better team will prevail.
Fantasy abacus says: Christmas comes a day early for anxious Philly fans.
That’s it for the picks. @fantasybruce wishes all of you a safe and happy holiday, even you Cowboys fans
